Week 2 of our What is love series for the month of February. Today let’s focus on what love isn’t and what it doesn’t do.
…It does not envy, it doesn’t boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 1 Corinthians 13:4-6.
I know it looks like we should know these things however sometimes in our day to day lives I think these items creep into our most intimate relationships (Please don’t leave me hanging on limb of honesty). Although all the “nots” are important I wanted to take a closer look at a few that I think are most detrimental to our families they are boasting, dishonoring other, and record of wrong keeping.
Here is a deeper looking into their meanings:
Boast -to speak with exaggeration and excessive pride, especially about oneself. (dictionary.com)
Are you ALWAYS doing something in your home? Nothing ever gets done unless you do it. I am guilty of saying these types of things. As I write them out I see how unloving they sound. I know that we go out of our way to make sure our families have exactly what they need and that our homes are maintained. We preform out acts out of love for our family especially our children; however, it may not feel so loving when those same acts are thrown in your face. I know sometimes we may feel overwhelmed or unappreciated and that’s perfectly normal. Might I suggest we address these feelings slightly differently. Instead of listing all the things that you always do. Why not list some of things that you may need assistance doing. After all your family 1) recognizes that you are always working hard for them they would be more than happy to return the love when asked. 2) People also like to feel needed. Sometimes doing “everything” doesn’t leave room for others to show you how much they love you in return.
Dishonor – to deprive of honor; disgrace; bring reproach or shame on. (dictionary.com)
When we think of dishonor we think of think of huge public displays of yelling and screaming. However, dishonor slowly creeps into our families almost daily. Often disguised as a funny comment or story sharing with our friends. We lightly brush off the hurt feeling of our family member for our freedom to share, not realizing that we are dishonoring them and we are slowly chipping away at their love. I am guilty of venting with my fellow moms about frustrating mom moments, sometimes we need a listening ear or advice, however let’s do it in a way that doesn’t bring shame to our children and partners. Part of protecting our families is giving them room to have growing pains without shame.
Record of wrong keeping
It is easy to get stuck in moment where that a wrong was committed. Hours, days, months, and sometimes years later we find ourselves still emotionally in that moment. In the famous words of Queen Elsa “Let it Go”. There maybe times that when we have to work at rebuilding trust, or having a little more transparency in certain areas due to the indiscretion, however nothing good can come from constantly reminding your family member of what they did wrong long after the offense. The record keeping makes everyone around you keep their guard up and doesn’t allow for space to strengthen your bound. We need to consistently search for the learning, teachable, and strengthening moments and move forward in love (patience and kindness).
We are all works in progress and this honestly was a difficult post to write because I am still working in almost all these areas and I wanted you to know that you aren’t allow. Loving is a daily work and every day we get better at it.
I hope this post helps you create homes filled with even more love.
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